Coping with Loss

Contributed by: Chris Bailey, Pharm.D. Candidate

KU School of Pharmacy

Text Box: At any given time in our lives we or someone we know will have the task of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Many times we are looking in from the outside and are not sure what to do or what to say. Should we call them? Should we avoid speaking of it? Should we spend time with that person and help them through the difficult times? Sure all of us deal with death differently and most certainly we will all be affected by a loss at some point in our lives, many times that loss will be very hard to handle. I can say without hesitation that people need their friends and families to be there helping them through the tough times. There are quite a number of options one can seek out to help them through. Some may seek counseling, others an organization such as Compassionate Friends, many may call upon their faith, still others may simply need a friend’s ear to listen. My wife and I recently experienced a loss that we never thought we would have to experience. On May 23, 2005 we had our first child. After a 39 day battle we were forced to make a decision that one should never have to make and that was allowing life support to be withdrawn and letting Chloe, our daughter, pass on. I speak with a heavy heart when I mention our loss. Most friends and family were not sure what to say or what they could do to help. No one could truly understand the magnitude of

Text Box: this loss unless they themselves experienced it first hand. The stages of grief will hit each individual differently. They include; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I can tell you from our loss that we each transitioned through the stages very differently. I spent months in the depression stage as my wife went quickly to the acceptance stage. An anti-depressant may be required and does not label a person in any way. It took me, a soon-to-be pharmacist, months before I realized that things were not getting any better. I would come home at night and literally cry for hours. It was a pain I could not handle without health-care assisted drug and mental therapy. I can also say that I felt those around me assumed since I was a man that I could handle it and thus get over it. I urge you to never assume anything when dealing with a grieving father, mother, son, daughter, grandparent, friend, male, or female. Don’t judge normal emotions with how one may grieve, they may be completely different. I know I am a very happy and caring person normally, but turned basket case over night. The message that I want to send is that each and every one of us can play a role in the healing process. To heal does not mean that the loved one is forgotten. Religious faith need not play a part in your comfort

Text Box: ing if that makes you uncomfortable. Simply listening and offering your understanding can help a person to achieve some closure. Undoubtedly the memory will never be forgotten but in time speaking of it may become easier. Watch and listen to their needs and understand that at times people will pour out their emotions. Know that this is very therapeutic for them. Never turn your back on a friend when he or she is in need. Love them as you would want to be loved and comforted in a time of great loss and sadness. Show them that you are there and mean it. Give them a phone call, be supportive, sense their feelings, understand that your friend or loved one will need your love and care in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. No matter the age, no matter the time, we need our friends and family to deal with loss. For additional information talk to your pharmacist, physician, health care provider, or visit one of the following sites: www.compassionatefriends.org/ www.nationalshareoffice.com www.griefshare.org

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